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drug type and length it stays in bloodstream and what it does

Thu, 18 Dec 2025 18:51:14 GMT

Posted by: visvanatha

drug type and length it stays in bloodstream

type - time - explanation

vasopressin - huge - dad/responsible/leader
oxytocin - long - sex/mom/calm/masturbation
testosterone - medium - exercise/muscles/harmony/defence/questioning
endorphin -short - buzz/sex
dopamine - tiny - award/statistics

comments

Wed, 10 Dec 2025 17:47:58 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

#nofap going good today. havent watched porn. its mostly wheat thats the problem. i dont feel lonely eventhough its pitchblack now. 18:46 1½ day before forced injection. people are insulting me online. i mean i got angry but not really as i drank blessed from bella. its really a nightmare setting but im calm. only ate yoghurt with cornflakes today. not 10 glyphosat enhanced sandwiches thats so fattyfying. the thing is though glyphosate is a protein so i dont get how that works.

comments

Thu, 04 Dec 2025 14:29:09 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

ive worked out about 30 mins today. 10 mins yesterday.

they barge in and try to fill me with coffeebread

the second i start working out.

its quite see through and is not as bad as in stockholm.

but they wait until youve gathered strength.

then feederism you with 20-30 coffeebreads in less than 24 hours.

i get inspired from working out just like abusing junkfood.

except they did a killswitch on junkfood so it really does nothing for me

except give some energy, but workouts give energy as well.

they increased the hardness of the air maddress to punish me here

i prefer a foam maddress to this

but i guess its still softer but i doubt it

its been what, 4-5 days, ive asked 3 times

for the support pillows so i dont get

pressure wounds on my feed and legs

and they come with excuses

ive asked 5 times for them to reduce the hardness

a woman said "i accept my fate"

but then she runs away

thus the new aphorism

"if you accept your fate why do you run away?

everything is according to an llm

based on the most common denominator

thus it is presumed and they

know nothing else not even bella

that i am paranoid when i have anxiety

or just paranoid across the board

or when a powerful man tells me

in condescenting tone whats right for me

i have anxiety again

i cannot really drink more coffee to aleviate

except now i also have tardiv dyskinesi

previousdays it didnt get better when i rested

as in, i couldnt even

now i can at least write for long compared

to the petroleum coffee

i now have blessed by bella coffee

ica basic powder

i will go back to working out

quickly you get angry because of killswitch

in neuroleptics and twitter turns to ultimate stupid

but after awhile you get calm and centered

a patriarch, a fathers figure

comments

Wed, 19 Nov 2025 14:01:49 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

i started yesterday

by moving my arm from right to upwards, real good thing

or teh left one, waaaeer, with 1 litre water bottle

and then moving my movable bed almost closest down

then doing pullups, you can excert yourself

a lot that way with upwards resistance

comments

diary

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:07:46 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

mars
2025-03-30 worked out started anew a week or two ago? then it summoned spring, again? now its always pretty clouds. anyway, got real tired afterwards, from using such immense superpowers. need 1 litre orange juice per day. trying today again after traceys advice.

january
2025-01-31 worked out 45 mins the other day. i need energy input (usually c-vitamin) to be able to work out / gain muscles.

2025-01-23 have tried out a few times a few days. it only averages a few minutes. just cant get to it anymore... 😭

2025-01-14 worked out some yesterday. didnt need much to get emotions. before i got inspired from it. will never break that 3 hour barrier...

2025-01-06 morning. - was gonna quit computers. i got bored being here. so i worked out some. maybe 30 mins to an hour. time happens like the i-ching. when you do the right key, which.......... you sorta have no idea what it is. time goes forward. anyway. got lots of good energy from working out.

comments

The point of working out and what it leads to

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:06:52 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

often when working out we ask ourselves: 1) where is this taking me / am i wasting my time? and 2) i dont see any results. if we apply it to the polar opposites, we get the following. 1) browsing porn leads you over time to watching just more and more perverse shit all the time, until you find yourself on darknet fapping to frazzledrip. 2) what results do you see from junkfood? gaining in weight, mental / physical disorders. then we ask the same things with working out then. 1) to a life which doesnt need to be "stimulated" all the time by outside forces, which most of the time costs money, and even more importantly, time. "time is the essence of life" - nitin sawhney on the concept album "prophecy". since you dont need to "pay" for stimulation, you get naturally inspired from just exerting your body. "all truly great thoughts are concieved through walking". with porn the want to need (w2n) is near instantaneous if youre at home or alone. at least with junkfood you have to walk to the grocery store, if its 30 mins to and forth, you wont gain that much. when i stopped this practice, i weighted my most ever: 140kg. i figured if i did (a plethora) of drugs, i wouldnt need food, but this was not the case. but later, after my second suicide attempt, which has left me unable to move my legs, it did sorta work: no one flirted me with at the housing, so the only thing on my mind, for at least a quarter of the time since 2 years ago, was attributed to 1) not eating too much 2) working out. 3) was my addiction to MMORPGs, which, after getting banned enough times, ive now just given up. i dont see the point. you slave away clicking to gain some EXP / GP / items, but so little time conversing with people. and as i realized after the bloodclot 2 months ago, im not lonely anymore. so i dont see the need. if youve followed me you know that i originally started playing computer games again after a huge 15 year hiatus, because bella left me. the pain was just too much, i had no idea what else to do. and when she left me the second time, it got even worse. i was used to talking to her all day, saying goodnight, kissing her goodmorning. and whenever i tried to talk to people who lived around me, they just fled away. what to do? of course, start doing even MORE drugs. success! people started talking to me, and my controlling grandmother had moved southward. i finally got some action after a whole 4 year hiatus. she was just like bella and as beautiful as rhianna. i didnt need any meds when i was around her, as her aura healed me. but i did need to smoke with her, then we started drinking, leading to sex. and. maybe im happy my grandma stopped me. my teeth were almost falling out. anyway. i got sorta offtopic after awhile. but wouldnt you know, this is the first writing ever, inspired by working out, i think, for 1 hour or more today. without having the computer (or anything) on.

comments

How do you get laid

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:04:34 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

sorry if these are reposts lol

seriously how do you get laid? i started working out last year. i tried it a few times to and fro. wouldnt you know. i started talking dirty (ive tried this many many many times in the past with 0 results) and 3 women actually liked it? one even visited me.

now i figured you need to take drugs to get anywhere. to get on peoples "level". but what is the strongest drug on the planet? why, its testosterone.

now its troublesome though, fate is always against me. 3 of the staff at the housing actually turned violent towards me? one said if i pissed her off one more time shed "rip off" my head? huh? ok... and these are all women.

when i just started working out more than a year ago, they got flirty. but now? damn... but for everyone else, i assure you, this works. you dont need to get a gym card and you dont need heavy weights. you just do calistinetics. air resistance. really, anyone can surf on a smartphone with just 1 hand right? well, use the other one to work out your bicep. i lost 10kg overweight in a month.

and the main thing was... i got way more testosterone in my system. women get confused with modern men. especially if theyre geek men. you can train with being clever and funny all you want. no woman actually wants that though. they want power.

if you variate your hands, youll lose both your bitch tits. simple bicep maneuvers train your whole upper body. even your face. and chewing muscles. yes, you get better teeth from it. this will take less than a year to get in shape. also, remember. you dont need 2300 calories per day. thats just a masonic number. 2/3 = 0.666. you know yourself how much you need.

stop going to the mall. order REAL food online. groceries. its easy. you dont get tricked by smells that way. everyone can cook, you just use your intuition. a little bit o this, a little bit o that. you take things that are only 1 ingredient. they can be tasty just like that. theres loads of strange veggies and fruits out there.

comments

Beyond nofap

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 13:04:13 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

https://svenskadikter.com/Beyond_nofap

beyond #nofap
- not fapping
- not checking porn
- realizing your dream, aka starting a corporation, or starting an education or scientific research
- not liking women, not dating, talking badly about women
- MGTOW, men making it on their own
- working out
- if a woman flirts with you, youve already lost
- women like men that are in charge
- vagus nerve healing for better libido
- eating more nutriciously
- discipline, keep a schedule

comments

Working out - im quitting fika - lazymaxing - calisthinetics

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 12:58:50 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

https://svenskadikter.com/Working_out_-_im_quitting_fika_-_lazymaxing_-_calisthinetics

just a vid

turn up your speakers

remaster it yourself lol so you can hear what im saying

ive fixed this lately thankfully

comments

Pain is weakness leaving the body

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 12:57:52 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

listen to the vid

https://svenskadikter.com/Pain_is_weakness_leaving_the_body

if when youre working out, especially in

a new way or youve paused for long, it

itches tickles

or you

burp

fart

or your

pee

poo

smells differently, its because your body is

healing and also removing poisons from it

also, if a bodypart heats up, especially a lot

for a longer period, it means its very damaged

and needs some help in healing. what youre really

doing is enhancing the inflamation, which could

have been dormant until then. what you do is put

some tigerbalm on the spot. if you know or can find

an eastern shop they have much better quality ones.

there are chili and mint based versions as well.

you know what is best for you. also, going on a massage

is useful. which is one of the reason to get an enhanced

inflamation in the first spot. unless the masseus tells

you how to treat it, they can make your body addicted

to the process. which isnt inherently bad, but a real

practicians purpose should be that their patients dont

come back. also remember that even if you train your

legs, your elbow or part of your arms can flare up,

same in the opposite way. its just how the body is

connected.

comments

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 12:55:34 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

anyway do check the album

https://svenskadikter.com/🎯

its pro masculine :)

should have some nice nuggets

of info so you can get gains

and xp gains irl and gaming lol

comments

Wed, 29 Oct 2025 12:54:13 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

sorry about not updating here

ill mirror

ive been plenty of vids

at least 1 song on the subject i think

anyway, i started training with empty water bottles

good for holding muscles

then half litre then 1 litre

now im doing double bicep curls at once

it feels real nice

comments

Sat, 18 Oct 2025 10:28:47 GMT

Posted by: imperfectionisperfection

^______^

as for low energy

and being tired

working out fixes it

its so easy

i recommend to anyone really

you dont need coffee to stay awake

or cola cola or energy drinks

just do calisthinetics

you dont need a gym card that doesnt get used

you dont need heavy weights

you dont have to run to build fitness

all you need is bicep curls

the simplest workout form there is

so take that hand out of your crotch

as youre laying in bed surfing online

even if you only do that in the morning

and before going to sleep, and but the other

hand in workout mode, if you work out just

1 hour per day for a month thats 30 hours

thats not peanuts. and in a year its 360 hours

that wont get unnoticed, you look much healthier

just the first time you do it without needing

makeup anymore. if you want to look good, be

a good person. corruption shows in the face.

if youre grouchy you look grouchy, thats how it works.

comments

state of my feet

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 07:42:05 GMT

Posted by: vaa

and legs..... come to think of it

they were like this

when i had war veteran despair before

now i dont have it

just weirder misery

they did surgery on my back

seemingly nothing

just to ruin my tattoo

well

everything happens for a reason

im here for harassing

all those chicks

and dudes and kids

well all that OCD

made me meet bella

but shes over me

my heart doesnt beat

much for her anymore

the meds made my heart

before completely cold for her

which was good

or theyd just

infinitely tortured me

like i did to chicks at the commute

someone random just messaged me

so there is hope

when i drank coffee

i just turned bitter and lonely

i wasnt that before

always some hope

which is lessening now

hey

im writing again

need a lot of tillskott

av c-vitamin

i know they shot me full of cisordinol accutard

when i was cramping in sleep

it will work for about 3 months

or 2½ months now or something

then i asked the nurse if i could

get 1mg risperdal to take when i need it?

"the doctors cant do that for you"

wtf?

they want me sick?

same thing with saving the loose dip

which is strong as hell

instead of giving me bag dip?

i know im speaking for others through this

so work hard on getting some rights my cp people

or getting some actual nutricious

food which turn you healthy for real

oh, what does that mean anyway?

"Cerebral palsy (CP) is a group of movement disorders that appear in early childhood.[1] Signs and symptoms vary among people and over time,[1][3] but include poor coordination, stiff muscles, weak muscles, and tremors.[1] There may be problems with sensation, vision, hearing, and speech.[1] "

well, thats not really me

i just cant move my legs....

i do get tremors

but if i dont touch my skin

i dont anymore?

and then i feel sorta stiff

and frozen in a bad way?

my mood changes all the time

my sensory input......

my world isnt chaos

but its different every day

i have no way to describe

how it changes......

comments

what is the world coming to?

Wed, 19 Feb 2025 07:26:14 GMT

Posted by: vaa

i really wish i could eat something nutricious here

its just beyond disgusting sodexo

and junkfood

really

cant they bare something better?

what is the world coming to?

the fruit tastes absolutely nothing

its been infintely refined to be completely useless

except an image

same for the "saft"

its just water diluted with nothingness

no sugar no natural taste no nothing

and it NEVER runs out

hmm?

and ive noticed wheat and sugar

makes my body hurt

cant they really just make genuine food?

at the previous housing

they made a huge sallad for me

the first day i got there

comments

Mon, 17 Feb 2025 15:31:07 GMT

Posted by: vaa

worked out for 3 mins today

couldnt bother more 😩

its been long since last

and so much of nothing now?

comments

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 12:29:49 GMT

Posted by: vaa

hur kan man träna och inte bli arg?

det du...

*äter knäckebröd & sallad några dagar*

ärkeängel: "du har skapat en revolution på psyket 🐧"

jag blir arg av sallad

och av grönt te extrakt

tar dock bort ångest och gör mig sömnig

men det är riskfyllt....

comments

working out today 30 mins so far

Tue, 28 Jan 2025 10:11:11 GMT

Posted by: vaa

so im like sweating and itching

and pimpling and stuff

but thats good

that means my body is alive 🐧💛

comments

Thu, 23 Jan 2025 11:09:23 GMT

Posted by: vaa

so ive been really

trying to work out

but it just doesnt work

i give up after

a few mins...

ive gotten automagically stronger in 2 steps though

and even if i sleep less (music 0.666666666)

i heal better when i do

comments

Tue, 14 Jan 2025 16:16:44 GMT

Posted by: vaa

calisthinetics is the process of which you use your own body as resistance.

since im handicapped its my only choice most of the time.

i had the work therapist here for the first time in ½ year.

i asked if i actually get any more muscle mass from training?

he said "yes, some". it seems only the opposite side of my

elbows get warm. yes, even if i only work out my right hand

my left elbow gets warm as well. im concerned about gaining

weight. when i only ate 1 piece out of the sodexo food and

worked out an hour or more per day with my right arm i lost

10kgs of weight. now i want the food to get inspired in writing

and doing photoshops and music. i looked on the mover thingie

it can handle max 247, will i reach that in 10 years? in 20 years?

not only are health recommendations wrong and inaccurate, they

are just masonic numbers. wonder why 23 shows up so much in

"health" things? 2/3=666. i know its not the only thing, but

like, its so messed up. i checked a health thingie which was

the first hit on google. even at 177cm and only 77kg it said

"you are on the brink of overweight". thats just wrong on so

many levels. queue poem:

why doesnt anyone care about how guys feel?

why doesnt anyone care about how girls feel?

why doesnt anyone care?

i just want real good wellmade food

and do i get it here?

no its disgusting sodexo bullshit

and the ultimate junkfood

but junkfood is 1-5hz, the earth

in itself is 2.4hz or so, so if you

eat a lot of sugar + wheat + chocolate

you actually go to the galactic centre

i havent heard many people talk about art

or how they get inspired. it took me a long

time to understand that chocolate inspires me

since i jumped ive barely eaten it at all.

but its true, you can abuse whatever and

still get inspired from it. ive reached

fentanyl levels with just junkfood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZItRY-14ZBA&list=PLdZDWwPjmHdvAMyuVgGe05pU1AQRB8Fqr&index=11

dreamstep playing. it sounds real beautiful.

its synched to my state of being

i know i should treasure this moment

tomorrow will probably suck

and who hears this? well, maybe kirin?

i dunno. i could post it so tracey hears

it but were connected heart-to-heart.

and miss poetry site hates me, maybe....

im pretty dead there. all i hear is

"thanks for the comment"........ =(

"growing old means accepting the loss

of one joy after the other". why do i

play runescape? almost no one talks there.

its not like during la belle epoque.

id find people every day several who

i talked to hours for. now i talk to....

.......whoever hears this. i dunno who

really =***( ill get back to gaming now

and being on (un)social media.

comments

Wed, 08 Jan 2025 09:40:46 GMT

Posted by: vaa

2025-01-06 morning. - was gonna quit computers. i got bored being here. so i worked out some. maybe 30 mins to an hour. time happens like the i-ching. when you do the right key, which.......... you sorta have no idea what it is. time goes forward. anyway. got lots of good energy from working out.

comments

Sat, 30 Nov 2024 03:16:49 GMT

Posted by: vaa

start 03:52

end 04:03

staff came

shouldnt work out more now

my body still hasnt healed

from the previous time

neuroleptics are weird.

they contain aborted

fetal tissue. but they

still serve a purpose.

everyone has a heart </3

comments

🏋️ anyway. this is a health update.

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 11:17:05 GMT

Posted by: vaa

so. i showered.

then i turn cold.

that is not acceptable.

it was worse before.

took the sodexo.

noodles with 1% chili sauce

so better than miss moms food

except it messes with my frequency

chicken breast. tasted ok.

so. should really not work out

when im cold like this.

but if im have a 365 project?

its complicated.

its all according to parameters.

i got banned off of MOC.

what if you were an observer

with just limited functionality?

things turn out ok quicker now.

its still perspective.

it was good before. it was un nice

before. its still better.

i dont remember a lot of the bad things.

and not that much. really.

not that much to access.

synapses.

i seem to only have 1 neuron.

FORTRAN.

i should be happy im in synchronicity now?

like what ive been talking about for so long.

i finally got what

"det är ärftligt :D" means.

karma. from previous lifes.

so. these bloggolings sort of sound the same.

ate the food quickly.

i figured with eating only with hands it wouldnt.

but it did.

i left some of it. for den jag aldrig var.

comments

training / working out (updated 2024-05-05) [mirror from miss poetry site]

Fri, 29 Nov 2024 10:14:03 GMT

Posted by: vaa

AUTOTRANSLATION

since I am bedridden after a suicide attempt, what exercise works for me? almost only the right arm. so I tried training biceps hard for 1½ hours. it was 1 hour of training and 30 minutes of rest. 3-6 minutes of training and 1-3 minutes of rest. it really worked! someone at the psychiatric outpatient clinic said I should try to exercise again a month ago, and I said it didn't work, no results from the exercise, only side effects. but then he said "what about in 10-15 years?". so i trained while playing runescape. that game is special, in that you can do an activity, and then only have to click every 30 seconds to continue. so it was perfect for me to work out. but I never used up the muscles, which might be better, who knows. now, after 2-3 minutes it got sluggish, but i still pushed on. felt later after the real training how my cheeks were rosy, and that like my jaw muscles were restructured. now I'm in runescape after a 30 minute practice, because I got bored. but I will practice more! both in and out of the game. I even got hungry even though I had lunch not much before, so I'm really working out my muscles! and has certainly lost weight.

well, I've lost 13kg in a month. results! from 126kg to 113kg.

.

träning / working out (upd 2024-05-05)

eftersom jag är sängliggande efter ett självmordsförsök, vilken träning funkar för mig? nästan bara höger armen. så jag provade att träna bicepts hårt i 1½ timma. det blev 1 timmas träning och 30 minuters vila. 3-6 minuter träning och 1-3 min vila. det funkade verkligen! en på psykosöppenvården sa att jag skulle försöka träna igen för en månad sen, och jag sa att det inte funkade, inga resultat av träningen, bara biverkningar. men då sa han "tänk om 10-15 år?". så jag tränade medans jag spelade runescape. det spelet är speciellt, i och med att man kan göra en aktivitet, och sen bara behöva klicka var 30 sekund för att fortsätta. så det var perfekt för att jag skulle träna. men jag gjorde aldrig slut musklerna, vilket kanske är bättre, vad vet jag. nu, efter 2-3 minuter blev det trögt, men jag kämpade på ändå. kände senare efter riktiga träningen hur mina kinder var rosenröda, och att liksom mina käkmuskler omstrukturerades. nu är jag i runescape efter en 30 minuters träning, för jag blev uttråkad. men jag ska träna mer! både inom och utom spelet. jag blev till och med hungrig även om jag ätit lunch inte mycket tidigare, så jag tränar verkligen musklerna! och har säkert gått ner i vikt.

jo, jag har gått ner 13kg på en månad. resultat! från 126kg till 113kg.

2024-03-02 har börjat äta mycket frukt, så det borde vara bra för vikten.

anteckningar på engelska:

ok. some workout. right bicep. lower arm stretch out, third circle. dunno how to explain haha.

5 + 6 + 6 + 4 mins. 1 minute rest between each. the second 6 mins felt a lot, i just wanted to quit :) anyway. this is cool <3 you can take creatin as a supplement, it involves "explosivity", which neuroleptics reduce, and which they check on, why you turn into a zombie from them, maybe.

3 min pause + writing and drinking water and taking out dip. lets go!

managed 4 mins, got fatigued at 3 mins. 4 min rest then? a couple of minutes is a surprisingly long amount of time... 1 min rest was it.

4 mins, fatigued after 3 mins. will try to breath in through the nose out through the mouth. 1 min rest.

stopped after 2 mins. my lungs/nose got fatigued? 30 sec break. stopped, anxiety, adding dip.

i can feel it in my neck muscles now. this is good :)

removed pillow + no resting arm against stomache / ribcage (mine is big...) + pulled myself up in bed for better position. managed 5 mins, woo :)

3 min rest. did some massage on upper arm.

5 mins. got fatigued after 2½ mins but kept going. i felt that. arm started to tickle - its healing :)

1 min rest. 3 mins then was interrupted with 2 o clock meds. got fatigued at 2½ mins again. my creatin retreating? or just overall fatigue? arm tickled more, woo! :)

4 mins. intermittent tickling. felt a lot at 3 mins.

3 min rest. ate some flavoured yoghurt.

4 min workout.

1 min rest. anxiety at 40 secs, put in a dip.

4 mins. got fatigued at 2 mins now. the energy is feeling, orken börjar rinna ur.

2 min rest.

3 mins. was majorly fatigued at 2:45 so stopped at 3. arm feels sore when i move it to reset the stop-watch, been that before this as well. just search for "online stopwatch" and google gives you something simple :)

2 min rest.

3 mins workout. it started to hurt some so ill call it a day, or, later :)

lets add together. just about an hour in total practice. woo! :)

workout again

woke up, had breakfast and coffee. rested with music until 11:15. i ran out of c-vitamin fizzle pills, thats why.

2½ min then anxiety so took dip.

1 min rest

3 min. my revolution rate is 2 secs per. it was 1.1 secs yesterday. maybe i didnt time it later out. so my arm is still tired. ill blame that on neuroleptics. but i dunno how workouts work. anyway slower is better, since i dont strain as much then.

1 min rest.

4 min. yesterday in the beginning it itched a lot so i scratched back. but after awhile i was just in a flow with the workout and forgot to scratch i guess?

1 min rest.

3 mins. i had a really salty diarrhea today. so it just let it all out. has to do with working out i guess? so today im deficient, i feel it in my mouth.

5 min rest. nurse came and said i didnt need that godforsaken powder for hte stomache, which gave me anxiety 24/7, i still feel it. why i get anxiety in the evening. she removed it, anyway :)

5 mins. really pushed myself there. i removed my pillow yesterday and had it on the legs. thats why i legs "woke up" later in the day. i could move them slightly. now i have the pillow under my left arm, so it doesnt hurt, and heal. i dont train it though.

1½ min rest.

5 mins. i really strained myself. i coulda gone on maybe another minute. but, no.

4 min rest. changed dip and drank some water. i decided to only train my right arm. since my left is damaged. i take 500mg x2 painkillers 3 times per day. i really shouldnt have started with them. but the only pain i got is in my shoulders really i think. so wish i could stop with them, but need massage then.

45 sec training. im bored! soon its lunch, might return afterwards. now im gonna play some runescape (and work out).

22 mins total workout.

the special thing about runescape, is that you can input something only every 30 secs or more. so you can workout in that time, then you get a sec pause, and it helps with the strain.

.

2023-12-31

2h 45 mins workout today. now my hand hurts so i stopped. started in the morning. did every now and then. i feel more at peace.

.

2024-01-01

1 hour 40 mins total workout (not including pauses)

got an anxiety pang in the beginning of training. then i drank the rest of the coffee (café latte, so tasty ^_^) and got another pang. but i hope it fares better than that, that i dont get any anxiety today.

i got anxiety after they changed me, but since id trained for so long i had happy hormones in my body, so an hour or 2 later, it dissipated, and it was very mild. i even started smiling in the middle of the session. hey!

it is some hard work though, not used to it. i just like taking it easy. ive taken some long walks sometimes, and it did feel in the muscles eventually. of course the beginning round was 7 mins, i ran out of things to do in runescape or i coulda done 8 mins or more. same for the first 6 minutes, i wasnt THAT strained.

will pause some, am too dazed (and nauseus, but that i am all the time it seems like)

training felt like a chore. but it was only because the food wasnt tasty (took yoghurt and cheeze sandwich instead) and that i didnt get fika until 14:30 and id run out of water and they wouldnt come. its ok now :)

oh anyway like i said i managed 7 mins when i started for the day. but i coulda gone on longer. anyway. new personal best :) now its only 3 mins at a time later on in the day... after maybe the fifth time i degerated into that.

i dont think ill train more today... its dark, does things to the mood. dont like synthetic lights.

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2023-01-03

total workout: 55 mins
peak today: 10 mins nonstop air resistance

with 1kg weight: 29 mins total

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2023-01-09

7+7+7+1+7+3+4+4+5+4+3+2+2=56 mins

so miss mom and i had an argument. i got anxiety from it. im a sensitive person, why dont people understand that? so i tried resting but i got tired of it. i tried working out, but it was boring without a timer. so im mining in runescape and working out. its the only way really... to not be bored, to not die. hopefully ill get my legs back. now more training!

anyway. this was the kick in the butt i needed to start working out again. dunno how long i kept without it. anyway, ive also reduced dip something incredibly. i took like 1/4 puck in the mouth for awhile. everyone whined about it, they even called in artillery. and i notice no difference with a lower portion. if anything, i dont get "horror" anymore, or thoughts going round and round, and less anxiety too, maybe. addict behaviour, yep, that was me.

so ive done some 30 mins now. and now i got tired after only before 2 mins? whats up? creatin used up huh? well. lots of muscle groups working together, the shoulders too. so. hey.

drank some water and put in a new dip. managed 1 more minute. yes, remember to rehydrate. importance of training.

at a banana an hour ago. now i got 2 more for fika, and some milk. had a negative impact on my workout, my index finger started hurting. sigh... such is the life of an overthinker, oversensitive? being... and i got some anxiety too. woooeee.

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2023-01-22

4+7+5+4+4+3+5+3+4+2+2+3+4+3+1=54

well. i felt too shitty and tired, its been like this for days. so i opened up runescape and began my workout.

well. runescape crashed too much. im watching vids and training instead.

i feel emptiness. have worked out for 35 mins. i dont really like to watch vids, so its too much information, and i had some lagging anxiety. hope it gets better <3 im watching the latest eyesiswatchin podcast.

well feel too shitty watching vids. back to runescape...

oh. felt like my arm was gonna fall asleep in the begining of vid watching. with runescape my arm instead "knuckles" for lack of better words. but im awake at least :)

now im working out and reading and commenting at the same time, maybe, haha. i feel so much alright its amazing :) it works out tracey, working out :) <3

oh, an hour, quite alright :)

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2023-01-23

1+1+3+2+5+2+4+3=21 mins, not much to scoff at

another day... another round of workout...

yes, from yesterday. now its 8 o clock and im tired...

guess ill have a coffee then...

worked out 1 min, then, no, it just feels wrong :(

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2023-01-25

well. battling with tiredness :( so need to work out...

1+1+2+2+1+1+1+2+2+3+3+1=20 mins

well. wasnt focused at first, thereof the low numbers. and my arm isnt strong, so can only manage 2 mins. started late in the day i suppose it affects.

oh, a little better, 3 mins.

well, ill stop there. hope i have some energy now, got tired even before 1 mins. so, hey.

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2023-01-26

3+3+4+2+4+1+3+2+3+3+4+3+5=40 mins

work work work...

well, i was content with just resting, but then both my arms started hurting. its lessened now.

miss mom was here. we had pringles and pizza, diet food, of course ^_^

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2024-01-28

4+9+10+5=24 mins

oh, its a new year o^_^o missed out on that...

9 mins. oh my! but had just eaten... coulda gone longer but it started to hurt.

well. its bloody cold here when its only a few plus degrees. its +5 now. im quitting here, since my hand got too cold.

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2024-01-29

5+5+5+3+3+3+1+1+1=27 mins

well. not in tiptop shape. i get "sparkles" in the arms at high minutes in the beginning. the lunch wasnt much. bulgur that tasted rancid (aka wooden) with a few tiny chicken parts. at least chicken makes the sauce taste something, i dont like the meat stews they present here. just completely tasteless...

3 mins... energy dwindling quickly. but now i try to do a full 180 degree revolution. before when it was automatic it wasnt a fully utstretched arm. so better training then.

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2024-02-o1

1+6+2+8+6+1+1+2+1+1+1+1+1+2+1+1+1=37

well. was tired quickly after waking up. so its working out to do.

yes! 8 mins! was tired and anxious all day yesterday. was really tired though and not much anxiety, and i had lots of youtube mixes to keep me happy.

small lingering anxiety all the time, no matter if i have dip or not. not fun :(

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2024-02-02

7+1+1+4+3+7+7+3+10+7+5+4=59 mins

well. woke up at 7. rested then, and slept the whole time til 11. its getting worse...

yes! 10 mins even :) it was when miss mom was here. we tried to work out together but she faltered quickly...

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2024-02-03

2+6+1+2+5+2+5+2+2+4+2+3+2+1+1+2+4+4+1+2+2+2+1

= 58 mins

so tired... finally got myself together. just a few days ago, when id worked out for an hour one day i wasnt tired the next day. well, worked out an hour yesterday, and it didnt help for the next. whats going on? someone asked that on facebook too, if someone else was feeling tired. its fishy...

this dip addiction is getting me down. its mostly that i guess. i get more and more in my body and just get more and more tired... trying awhile without...

the tiredness... neither coffee nor c-vitamin helps against it. im killing myself... :( i just wish i had less anxiety so i wouldnt have to take it. but the OCD comes back then, i tried a few times, and it wasnt fun...

well worked out without having dip in. i got a startling anxiety but it passed. but eventually, i just yawned, as the dip releases in my body. i dont know, maybe ill quit it?

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2024-02-05

1+7+3+4+4+5+2+1+1+1+1+2+3+3+2+10+2+15+20+1+10+2+8+6

= 1h 54 mins

well. same ol story. was awake for 30 mins, then i slept til 11. i really need to learn. and i need fastfood, fast carbohydrates. then i dont get tired. miss mom bought several small packets of potatoe chips. perfect.

well. 15 mins. afking (with tiny amount of clicking) isnt better than playing runescape. so i fought dragons and didnt look at the time, and now its 15 mins! omg! i figured i should stop there so i dont break anything...

20 mins. oh my! ill try even harder. some pause inbetween. i guess ill get angry from all the testosterone but ill try to keep my mouth shut. this is good!

yes! broke my long term record! im over 1½ hour already :)

yes! major workout :) it can only get better from here :) <3 now im bored so im gonna do something else...

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2023-02-06

7+5+5+6+6= 29 mins

well. didnt have the strenght from yesterday. i ate my breakfast and then one of those small potatoe chip bags. got anxiety from the first bite of it. great...

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2023-02-06

bicep 7+

shoulder 3+3+7+3

yep, theres no stopping me when ive started :)

so. im training my shoulder too. cant really play the game then. i move my upper arm around in a circle.

hey, even better, when i work out like this runescape doesnt crash! ^___^

well, i guess i should stop with the biceps for the day. it starts hurting early on. guess ive used up my livers carbohydrate supply by now... or just general energy of the day.

ok. total 1 hour 44 mins. quite good, hey :)

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2024-02-15

bicep 5+3+2+1+7+7+8+2+1+2+1+2+2+2+5=50

flappies 3=

53 mins

woke up early, this is good...

work work work again :) <3

enough for today, i wanna have some fun :(

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2024-02-16

5+4+1+3+8+1+1

woke up early again. woo!

anyway. now im training fist forward quickly in the air (air punching). at a slant. good one :) my breathing gets used up some so i train my lungs too. can manage about a minute before i need resting. not timing it... ok approximate timing now right.

punch 1min x 8

and now i pood O_o seems i used too many muscles... brb

punch 2 x 2

yes! 2 mins. its good to time it. push yourself.

½ x 3

oh! i even get warm and sweaty! this is good ^__^

hey, i had some anxiety for like 15 mins. but i put in a new dip, and its ok now <3 work out + fruit = ftw.

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2024-02-20

bicep 1+3+1

flappies 4+

well. didnt work out for some days. i rested until 15:00 and now i feel super. so... to get to work :)

well. didnt work. tired after 1 min. whats wrong with me? :( ill try after dinner maybe...

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2024-02-21

start time: 11:38
end time: 14:48

maybe 1/4 of the time was spent working out. i dont really know. maybe more, maybe less. but i was twitching / itching a lot too.

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2024-03-02

right bicep 3+2+14+2+4+15

left bicep 1+1+1+1

total=44 mins

well. have been tired for days. so figured up runescape, and am working it.

yes! 14 mins!

i think ill call it a day like that. some rising anxiety...

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2024-03-10

ok. worked out some. its been awhile. i didnt time it. just inbetween things in runescape...

well, having been training in and out for an hour. while fishing swordfish, its real slow. making egg potatoes is faster, more fun. anyway, my arm is hurting? like, because im building muscles i guess... well, no. my body is breaking apart, all since i lie in bed all day :(

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2024-03-28

4+1+3+1+

well. its been awhile. of pain and anxiety. i got to lower my meds today, so it feels better.

tried at first without timing, and got an anxiety pang in the beginning, but it got better later on, so started to time it.

anyway. now i get tired after 1 min so theres no point. theres maybe 10 more mins of practice before i started timing. and... my hand is cold.

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2024-04-04

well i was rebuilding fort forinthry in runescape. lots of wait time, so decided to work out. been at it some hour now. i actually feel like im achieving something when i work out. bitchute is so braindead... and i hope i feel better, dont get that rage... anyway, hoping i dont get anxiety from dinner. lots of good hormones going on now.

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2024-04-27

14+1+3+3+3+3+2+4+1+3+1+2+1+2+2+2+1+2+1+1+1+1+1+1+1=57mins

well. trained some 2 other days, but didnt time it. now ill try to do some properly...

anyway, was bored of social media, and runescape gave me anxiety, so had to do something.

ill try working out when i wake up, then ill have more energy i guess...

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2024-04-28

24+7+3+4+3+2+1+3+4=51mins

morning workout. i started getting tired at 1 mins so call it a day :)

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2024-04-29

bipcep 4+1+2+1+3+2+1+2+2+1+2+2+2+1+1+2+2+3+8+4+1=
flappies 2+2+
= 51 mins

getting tough today in the beginning, even when i tried this morning :( but i need to do it, feel as anxiety is creeping up...

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2024-05-02

2+2+2+2+2+2+2+3+2+2+2+1+1+1+3+4+2+2+3+2+2+7+3=54 mins

so, havent worked out for a day, or two? and i find anxiety creeping up. so gotta start again... my right arm is hurting too, strangely enough. my body is decaying... oh, it helped with orange juice <3 of course, anti-oxidants...

ok 54 mins, should be about it for today... not working out too much, so i dont get too much testosterone, and thereby, anger...

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2024-05-03

2+2+1+8+2+1+1+2=19

well, anxiety creeping up, so gotta start...

oh, didnt do more. and now im bored? of runescape.

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2024-05-05

1+5+3+2+1+2+3+3+2+3=25mins

not anxious, but i need to work out every day.

well, got bored.

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